How do you communicate with yourself

When people talk to themselves, communication takes place within the brain. It embraces their thoughts, experiences and perceptions during a communication event. Behavioral responses on all other levels of communication essentially begin at the intrapersonal level. On this level, the individual forms personal rules and patterns of communication.

Mental models that exist in our heads and which have been programmed help us in making sense of the world we live in. Our own baggage of needs, values and beliefs help us make sense of all the data that comes pouring in through our senses. Thinking is a process of intrapersonal communication, really what is thinking? When your mind asks questions and answers it as well, that is thinking in a simplified manner, which brings us to a very important facet –Questioning.

This Socratic method of gentle enquiry has yielded rich results in various forms of communication. In fact, if there was one major factor behind successful and resilient leaders it is this –They managed to ask the right questions? Einstein famously remarked –“If I had an hour to solve a problem that would save my life, I would rather spend 55 minutes in thinking about the right question that needed to be asked, once I know the right question, I can solve the problem in 5 minutes”, there are questions that empower and questions that disempower! Any prizes for guessing what questions successful people ask more of?

 

I am sure you have been in meetings completely present in the moment, in the zone and you asked a question that made the listeners stop in their tracks, and you knew that was an important turn in the meeting, newer possibilities, focus and energy emerged as a result of that question. Consistent questions that are asked by leaders at the workplace speak a lot about the culture of that organization. Track the questions that are being asked at your workplace, If they are not forward focused and empowering, there might be a dearth of superior evaluations. Questions have the capability to sharpen the focus between proximal and distal goals.

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A coach is your partner in your transformational journey,a professional who offers support to discuss possibilities and co-creating a plan to achieve what you want.

He offers support for life changing decisions and challenges you to expand views and direction. He works with you over a series of coaching sessions that acknowledge and encourage your journey from Point A to Point B and works with you on the mindset, skillset and tool set needed to achieve your dreams.

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What is Power Distance?

All of us have met an intimidating superior or two during our careers. However, most corporations have yet to conduct large-scale research into the interdependence of authoritarian business leaders, and the disasters caused by their single-handed, undebated decision making.

I was working with the CEO of a software services organisation, and during the diagnostic interview, He spoke worriedly about the lack of pushback when he voiced his thoughts. There was an instance where a project was delayed way beyond deadline, when he pushed his team for an explanation; very diffidently they opened up about a review meeting where the CEO had asked for a change in some marketing collateral which ended up with them going in another direction. He was perplexed because, in his mind “he had offered an opinion” and that was it. Due to the power distance that was prevalent in that organisation, no one from that project thought of reverting to the CEO for clarification whether he expected the team to follow through with his direction.

Taken to an extreme, the "macho" business leader is akin to the macho pilot who wants to see the sky as his or her own playground, a place to prove his or her skills to lesser mortals. Equally disastrous is the opposite attitude of sulking or giving up when things go wrong. In the air, this may have fatal consequences; in business it may cause employee disorientation, unfinished or failed projects and costs getting out of hand. A close relation of this kind of resignation is routine behaviour and the belief that no matter what we do nothing will ever happen anyway. Either personality type usually results from people caught in a behavioural pattern they can no longer see. The maverick on one end and a fatalist at the other –both leaders spread these attributes and cause damage in their sphere of Influence.
Unfortunately, our companies have not yet established an open system in which these attitudes or patterns can be easily discussed and further consequences prevented. In most cases, they will be noticed by colleagues and whispered about or mentioned behind closed doors. Conventionally, errors and erroneous behaviour are, after all, still stigmatized as deficits and associated with embarrassment, shame and fear. A culture where openness is stifled leads to a lot of passive aggressive behavior which does not benefit any party.

The true culture of the organisation is the communication that occurs around water coolers and not the ones in board rooms, it was said that organizational skits performed at enron spoke about the fraudulent business practices long before it came into light .stories, narratives and legends from organizational folklore speak more authentically of the truth as subjective as it may sound.


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Organizations, like Fish start rotting from the head!

Overall organization culture starts with leadership behavior. Leadership behavior has a tremendous impact on the overall organisation culture. Typical of tribal behavior, we observe people around us indulging in a certain kind of behavior and we adapt and tend to blend in, this is called “social proof”. In most organizations, there is no clear and consistent communication on elements of leadership behavior. There are some lessons to be borrowed from the marketing side of the business –If you are not clear about the positioning of your product, the environment will position your product.


The sum of all experiences, emotions and stories of your org is the culture experienced by an employee. If you don’t have a role to play in that conversation, you are not even in the game. You can’t direct it as marketers have realized that brand dialogues in the minds of the consumers is the real identity for the brand. Secondary challenges abound when your company does have stated values, norms and artifacts on all the walls, but if stated values and norms are very different from lived values –this leads to organizational schizophrenia.


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Conflict at the workplace

Why do inter-departmental conflicts crop up?

Let us back up a bit and do some appreciative enquiry –Conflict is not all that bad as it is painted out to be, Conflict ensures evolution !Various aphorisms come to mind- thinning of the herd ,survival of the fittest  etc.Conflicts are an inevitable part of the human condition, even in the absence of other people, teams  etc. There are intense internal conflicts that occur due to a series of reasons, these struggles arise due to a lack of awareness of our values, beliefs norms and references. Awareness and acknowledgement of our internal network help in decoding the world within

Now ,about  inter departmental conflicts-There are enough ingredients that abound in this VUCA environment to keep Leaders  “on Edge” ,add to this volatile mix the following elements egos, fiefdoms ,turf battles ,fight for resources ,fight for significance and we have a corporate soap opera ready.

There are needs that need to be fulfilled at work and at play and these needs are 

Need for certainty

Need for uncertainty

Need for Growth

Need for Love and connection

Need for significance

Need for contribution

When these needs are not met, we fight to fulfill these needs and conflicts arise. Being a conflict competent leader is all about being a leader who can flex his style to suit the nature of conflict at hand.

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Poverty of Attention

Information consumes attention, wealth of information leads to poverty of attention –Herbert Simon.

The sheer magnitude of information we are forced to consume, assimilate and act upon is an indication of the turbulent times we are in. The first casualty in dealing with this onslaught is Focus, Leaders grapple with sense making from all the various messages and stimuli and deal with it in their own way. It becomes more important to make the leaders stop doing something than in doing something new, this state of zen or FLOW can arise only when the expertise and skill required to achieve the task is at the right proportion, if skill is higher than the task being performed, it leads to boredom .If the skill required is lower than what’s expected for the task ,apathy sets in.

Being able to filter and the ability to distil the essence of complex decision making into granular functions is extremely important. The brain when functioning at peak efficiency is actually at a satisfying hum of a superb engine rather than a frantic throbbing roar, this happens when the brain is fully immersed in performing the task. When regular actions become habits, the brain expends lesser energy in performing the same .

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Treat People the way you want to be treated –Not quite

I was coaching a CFO who had the habit of making scathing remarks to his subordinates in the guise of “smart ass funny remarks” as one of his reports pointed out. My client was of the opinion he was a fun guy and, since he was delivering feedback in a lighter vein –it would take the sting out of his criticism. But as you can guess, this is not what came out during the 360 degree feedback session and what I also observed during the shadowing sessions, when I brought this to the CFO’s notice and asked him if that was the way he would have wanted to be treated by his Boss. He mulled over it a bit and replied in the negative. Only way later did I realize this was not the correct way forward.

I learnt this lesson from a coachee –My coachee had a habit of swearing and backslapping and was at ease being one of the boys, some of the other department heads and his reports were a bit uncomfortable

When I brought this to his notice, he was non plussed and said this is the relationship he enjoyed with his boss and he went along with the maxim “I treat my reports the same way I am treated by my boss which I am actually comfortable with”. This is when the penny dropped for me as a coach and then we worked on how different people absorb different messages and interpret it in as per their own mental model. The new mantra would be “Treat others as they would like to be treated”

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